10: Lex and Kitty’s Massachusetts Wedding, Part 1

In Part 1 of our conversation with Lex and Kitty, we talk about their 2014 wedding in Massachusetts – one of the only places it was legal at the time. But that wasn’t the hard part! Eight months before their wedding, Kitty suffered a stroke, and wasn’t sure she’d be able to walk down the aisle.


Our pre-show banter just doesn’t get better than this.

Water breaks, Whitney Houston, books, and queer characters on tv/film.

Amanda Goes to the Library

…and only comes out with four books. Possibly a record. Speaking of the library, have you ever left a library book in the seatback pocket on a plane? When you only had TEN pages left?? Cindy has. Have you read the final 20 pages of Heartland? Please email Cindy, she’d really like to know what happened.

Amanda’s reading the new book by Chuck Palahniuk*, Adjustment Day. Did you know he is gay? Amanda didn’t, but she does now. Neat surprise.

*It’s pronounced Paula-nick, according to his website.

You should read Kindred by Octavia Butler. We both endorse it highly and you should trust us because we’re smart and we read a lot.

No, We Do Not Forgive The 100 (or anybody else) for Burying the Gays

Please stop.

There are entirely too many queer characters dying.

It’s really not ok. And we deserve better.

Speaking of killing your gays, let’s talk about Buffy for a second. RIP, Tara.  Hopefully, that plot point will not be repeated on the reboot.

Also, can we stop the queerbaiting, too? We’re looking at you, Rizzoli & Isles.

We could talk about LGBTQ+ representation in media for a long time, it turns out. So much so that there’s a bonus episode full of it coming your way soon.

Back to Libraries

Because they are awesome and under no circumstances can they be replaced by Amazon. Also, Amazon is treating its workers like shit.

Which Brings us to ‘Right to Work’

Vote no on this fucking garbage. It doesn’t mean what the ballot measures make it sound like it means.

Meet Kitty and Lex

They’ve been together for six years, and were living in Atlanta in 2014, when they got married. Way back four-ish years ago, you may recall that marriage equality was not yet the law of the land, so they packed their bags and headed to Massachusetts because, at the time, it was one of the few places LGBTQ+ couples could legally marry.

Since then, they’ve moved up to Wisconsin. Which means we’re now going to talk about:

The Great Lakes Midwest vs. the Midwest-Midwest

We’re just here to alienate midwest-midwesterners, apparently. Either that, or we’re mountain and ocean people, not flatlanders, and we should probably apologize to the entire region.

We Answer a Very Important Question: Is Non-Dairy Ice Cream Really Ice Cream?

…with a question: Does it satisfy your ice cream craving? If so, then fuck yeah, it’s ice cream.

Couple Name Semantics

“I’m Lex, of Kitty and.” Find out WTF this means, and how it affects Lex’s contact organization on her phone. Who needs a last name when you’ve got “of [Partner] and”?

It’s Juneteenth! Why the fuck isn’t this an actual holiday?

You should probably watch the Blackish Juneteenth episode.

How They Met and Why They Decided To Get Married

Pro-tip from Kitty and Lex: Plan your wedding for a date that’s really close to your dating anniversary, and then you only have to remember one date!

We’ll get back to the wedding in a minute, but first we chat about what they’re up to now: foster parenting and teaching sex ed at their church.

The Hardest Part of Wedding Planning

Planning the ceremony! Lex and Kitty both had specific and strong opinions about what should and should not be included. That meant they both had to negotiate a lot about their ceremony. As a UCC minister, Lex always thought she’d have a pretty big say in the content of the ceremony, but then she met Kitty, who has a strong Catholic faith.

Figuring out where to hold the ceremony and what it would be like was the hardest part of wedding planning.

While we still can’t marry in the Roman Catholic Church, there is a branch of Catholicism, the Ecumenical Catholic Communion, that welcomes LGBTQ+ folks and allows them, along with women, to be clergy members.

What Happens When a Medical Condition Derails Your Life

…and your wedding plans along with it.

Eight months before their wedding, Kitty woke up with slurred speech, one side of her face drooping, and unable to move her left leg – which turned out to be a stroke caused by a burst AVM in her brain. She was rushed to the hospital, facing low odds of survival and even lower odds of being able to walk again.

Though they recall family, friends, and wedding vendors being very understanding and willing to change the date, Kitty was determined to marry Lex as planned.

“We are getting married at exactly the same time,” Kitty said, “and I don’t care if I have to come down the aisle in a wheelchair. I don’t care if I have to come down the aisle with a cane.”

Kitty began physical therapy and incredibly was able to walk down the aisle on her own. It was a very emotional moment for everyone.

As you might expect, Kitty’s stroke and her recovery changed a lot of things about their wedding.

And We’re Off on a Tangent About Strippers vs. Burlesque Performers

Amanda cracked a joke and look where it landed us.

How Being LGBTQ+ Affected Their Wedding Planning Experience

It was already tricky planning from out-of-state. But given that Lex’s full name is Alex, vendors would assume they were a straight couple until they actually met and saw them in person.

Tons of their friends got married around the same time, so you’d think they’d be able to get some great recommendations there. But here’s the catch: virtually all of those friends were straight couples. So the vendors they used weren’t necessarily supporting marriage equality or willing to work with LGBTQ+ couples like Lex and Kitty.

It was really important to them to get married somewhere that would legally recognize it. As an officiant, Lex had experienced that some government officials were not filling or pulling marriage licenses after the fact for same-sex couples – in places where it was legal.

Kitty and Lex were surprised by how many straight folks just had no idea that they couldn’t be legally married everywhere.

Remember how completely fucked up tax returns were in the years when LGBTQ+ weddings were legal in some states and jurisdictions, but not at the federal level?

What a pain in the ass. See also: filling out W-4s. Where’s the “It’s complicated” box?

On Intersectionality and Health Code Statutes and Subpar, Possibly Racist and/or Homophobic Vendors

Straight Culture is Really Messed Up

It just is.

Invitation Wording for Non-Hetero Weddings

If both of your names aren’t super feminine, how will the guests know it’s a lesbian wedding?

And other invitation etiquette conundrums.

In which we end this episode very abruptly because, oops, we talked too much and we’ve had to split it into two parts.

Come back in two weeks for Part 2 of Lex & Kitty’s episode.

Check out photos from Lex and Kitty’s wedding over on Amanda’s website!

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